marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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