I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
