Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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