I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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