I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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