Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
