I skipped work to stalk him.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
