Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i came on her dog
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
