on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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