Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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