I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
