Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
