I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
