Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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