I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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