Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
