I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im holly from the hills drunk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
