The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
