If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
