i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
