I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
