You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
