i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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