It's Friday. Sex?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
