I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
