walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
