dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
