How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
