The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
