if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
