This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
