We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
