I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
