that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
