After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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