What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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