A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
