I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
