First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
