My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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