I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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