In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
