I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
