I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
