My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
