Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
