Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
