May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
