omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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