i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
