even my farts smell like vagina
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have fence marks all over my body
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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