Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
