Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
