I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
