And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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