I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
