omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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